You have no idea

“

You are so strong” they say

After all that you have been through

Your stories you post just show how strong you are

“You are doing fine” they say

“It’s like nothing happened”

These words always pierce through my soul every time

And I weep internally

As I say in my head, sometimes wanting to scream

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA!!!!”

Behind closed doors, I am weak and there are days

When I cry

When I smile,

When I laugh and

When I eat ice-cream out of the tub

I tell myself that what happened is the best that has happened

I tell myself to make it about me and not them

I tell myself to fuel all that hurt into doing what’s best for me

I tell myself to look in the mirror and tell myself I am beautiful

When on most days I feel ugly, with zero self confidence

To learn to re learn what love is, true love, love myself is

Re learn what letting my guard down is again

To enjoy my own company, to laugh out loud alone

To talk to myself and ask me what I want for dinner

To be at peace with myself

To exercise my mind, body and soul

I tell myself this is my chance to inspire and motive others

I tell myself I have been raised by a strong woman

Surrounded by strong women and men

I am strong but I weep

I am strong but I hurt

I am strong enough to re learn love

I am strong enough not to care about your judgemental opinion

I am strong enough to make this journey about me

I am me

I am strong in a way you will never even imagine