Why are we so complicated when it comes to relationships?

Same subject, 2 years later. I remember when I first published this blog, it blew up as being one of my most read pieces.  Men and women reached out to me sharing their stories and questions while appreciating my candid sharing of my own experiences.

I have been writing and jotting down things here and there but never quite completing my thoughts on paper. So here it is after a few months!

After a breakup, I find myself re-joining dating apps like Tinder and Bumble to see what’s out there. But let me be honest, it is mostly to do with me and the need for me to be seen or wanted by the male species and to fuel my diminishing hope that maybe, just maybe I might find my partner in crime. (Might I also add vanity and the need for validation). I know I have shared before that dating apps are a waste of time and that it’s not for me, and of course my own experiences inform me yet again that it is a waste of my time!

So, are dating apps of any help to me? NOPE. Sadly, it’s an app for people seeking validation, hooks-ups, meaningless conversations and just a waste of conversation. I do know of friends who have met their current partners through dating apps, but I feel like now in 2024, so much has changed!

Mind you, if one thing hasn’t changed is that the same men from 4 years ago are still on the app! Also know, that some married men and men with partners/girlfriends are also on the app under the pretext that it’s a fake account. (STFU we know that excuse).  The more I try to understand it, the more and more complicated it feels.

Sometimes I too feel like I am trying to fill a void in my life through this temporary means. I mean the men on it seem to be there for the wrong reasons or just as confused as the women.  

I recently went on a dinner catch-up with a friend and he asked me, why the guys that I date, don’t stick around. I was like woa, woa woa! I feel attacked! “I think I am the whole package and so I guess maybe that’s a bit too much for men who are not 100% happy with themselves, I also threw in the “I don’t know, things go well then suddenly they change, followed by I need to date someone on my level”. When I got home after dinner, I couldn’t sleep, because that question kept bugging me.

Why were the men I dated not sticking around long enough? It kept bugging me.  Here are some questions and comments that have been on my mind. Somewhat like my last blog piece (read here), so here goes:

1.       What does, “You deserve better”, mean? I mean I get it, but what does that mean really? Are you telling me that you are not capable of giving me your better and best and therefore after investing all in a relationship I must go find better? Or does that mean, you knew what you were, but you pretended to be something else so therefore, “you deserve better”. I don’t understand that line. HELP!

2.       Why can’t men and women just be honest? I matched with a guy on Tinder who was working hard at getting to know me and asked me out for dinner, but when I told him I was not interested in hooking up, he unmatched me. He could have saved us both time by being honest about that instead of pretending that he wanted to know what my hobbies were! LOL

3.       Why do men and women maintain their Tinder or Bumble accounts whilst in a relationship but pretend they are not on it?

4.       Or why do people say, I don’t want to be in a relationship but are fully active on dating apps?

5.       Why is it still so difficult for men to allow women to spoil them, especially if the woman is more financially secure and stable?

6.       Why can’t people maintain a good relationship without having it lead to marriage or without being asked, so when are you getting married (again)?

7.       If someone just wants to have sex/hook- up why can’t people just be upfront from the start?

8.       Sometimes I wonder what people mean when they tell me, “You can do so much better” like I knew better, how do I meet this better? Show me!

So there goes, my usual yet honest ramblings about relationships and trying to navigate the complexities.  Mind you my singlehood is going great and like I wrote in my last, I refuse to settle for breadcrumbs because I deserve it all.